Alright, so Fresherís week is over. We all made mistakes, woke up in beds that perhaps werenít our own (and perhaps werenít even beds at all, but were in fact benches at 3am), did the walk of shame Ė or, if you prefer, the stride of pride. However, youíre settled now, and aside from one or two moments of amazingly awkward chit-chat with someone whoís definitely seen you naked, youíre looking for something more serious. You are, after all, an adult now.
But the problem is, youíre not. I mean, not really. Thereís no doubt that those in the various religious societies will be keeping their eyes out for The One that their deity is sending their way, but for the rest of us itís pretty much pot luck. If you are hoping to meet that special someone, allow me to offer a couple of tips Iíve picked up in four years of university.
If your style of flirting is rubbing your junk on someone elseís junk then you, my friend, need a nightclub. A hotbed (literally, the sweat condenses on the walls in some of these places) of sexual activity, alcohol (that glorious social lubricator!) and music so loud you can feel your liver shaking Ė though perhaps thatís fear at the amount of vodka youíre putting away Ė nightclubs are great places to find someone for the night. Just donít expect much in the way of conversation, and definitely donít expect Mr or Ms Right. Mr or Ms Right Now, sure, but nothing lasting is likely to come from a romance that starts with yelling.
Mixed bag, this one. By definition, anyone doing the same course as you has the same interests as you Ė and that just makes them more attractive. Seeing a cute guy step up to the front of the class and speak French is sexy itself, but knowing you do it too and can share it, have little conversations together where nobody else knows what youíre saying Ė itís hot. And itís not just foreign languages, though as a linguist Iím obviously biased. People who are passionate about politics donít generally date people who donít know the difference between the executive and the legislative branches, while the geologists wonít look at you twice if you reckon limestone and sandstone are ďjust rocks." The reason so many affairs take place in the workplace is the same reason youíre going to find yourself looking longingly at the back of a classmateís head Ė people like people who enjoy doing the same things as they do.
But before you ride off happily into the sunset, consider what will happen if things donít go well. Youíll have to see that person for the next three years Ė four if youíre in Scotland. Youíll have to watch them go out with other people, and that will probably not make you happy. Before you know it, itís 3am and youíre banging on his/her door with tears streaming down your face and a broken heart.
Absolutely donít let that dissuade you, though. Some of the best relationships Iíve had, both romantic and amicable, have come from my classmates. They are the people youíll work with, celebrate with, and commiserate with. You canít help getting on with some of them and you certainly wonít be able to help getting off with some of them too. Go with it.
Donít do it. Absolutely do not, under any circumstances, date your housemate. Put your hand in the blender first. Theyíve seen you at your worst, and thereís no doubt that living together adds a frisson (thanks, French degree!) of excitement to your lives. But the break up, which is almost inevitable, will turn your living arrangements into a living hell. Unlike classmates (above), there is no getting away from housemates. You literally cannot get away from the person who broke your heart Ė or whose heart you broke. Living so close means that tensions will always run high, but take it from someone who knows. It is a bad idea. Wait until you move out, then jump each otherís bones. Not before.
Housemateís significant other
What is wrong with you?
Written by Jonathan Kerr
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