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Why Halloween is the Best Day of the Year


By Simon Thompson
 
     
Why Halloween is the greatest day of the year

I love Halloween. And not because I’m a guy and American-style, Mean-Girls-esque “Halloween" outfits have migrated across the pond. Halloween for me means people putting on masks; and masks, my friends, mean anonymity.

I’m sure that here on the interweb we’ve all encountered someone anonymous, and unfortunately that sometimes just leads to unpleasantness – but occasionally it leads to amazing art. People can put on a mask and, in so doing, take off the one they wear day-to-day. They become all they want to be.

Of course, the fact that so many of my friends decide to become mindless zombies, hairy lycanthropes or masked murdering madmen probably doesn’t say anything good about what they want to be.

Masquerade balls have been held in Europe since the 15th Century, and there’s no doubt that a mask adds an air of mystery – and thus sexual tension – to any party. Not that you really needed any extra sexual tension in the French Royal Court in the 15th Century, but the point stands. Behind our masks, we can do anything at all. We have freedom from responsibility – and consequences.

Only of course what happens at Halloween is still going to be there in the morning, and the walk of shame – which you can sometimes get away with – is unavoidable when dressed as a sexy bunny rabbit, or a sexy werewolf, or a sexy Pikachu…

I wish I were joking. I truly do.

Of course sexual encounters with beloved childhood cartoon characters aren’t the only thing that could occur to you on All Hallow’s Eve. Alcohol will be flowing like the tears of the parents who will see the evidence of this debauchery on Facebook in the coming days, and alcohol washes away many things, including inhibitions.

A serious note at this point, because while I endeavour to be funny as I write to you, some things need to be said. They are:

1. You cannot drive a car when you are drunk.

2. If you have your eye on a fellow party-goer who looks too drunk to drive, that person cannot give informed consent to sex.

3. Sex without consent, even if “we were both drunk", is rape.

4. Rape is the worst crime you can commit against a person.

5. So wait until they’re sober.

6. I mean come on, you’re a decent-looking person with wit, charm, and a great taste in blogs. They will still like you in the morning, once they no longer feel like a cat slept in their mouth and their brain wants to escape their head with a pneumatic drill.

However, moving away from the sweaty exercise some of us engage in, with your inhibitions lowered you may find yourself in the company of people with whom you would not normally associate, such as Satan, Jesus, Jason Voorhees and sexy Pikachu.

Carpe the diem and find out what their stories are. Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had, the ones where I’ve felt I could go out and change the world that minute, have been at 3am on the floor of someone’s flat when we’re down to the weird stuff that’s always left at the back of the drinks cupboard – off-brand Tia Maria, a variety of weird flavoured schnapps, Limoncello….

In conclusion, Halloween is the one night of the year when you don’t need to take yourself too seriously. Sure, some people are going to dress in “sexy" outfits, but so what? Most people I know dress as whatever they want – remember when Anchorman came out and you couldn’t move at Halloween for Ron Burgundies?

If you suspect – and I think, deep down, almost all of us suspect this – that you are a little too serious, a little too uptight, then grab the opportunity to costume up and be someone else.

And if perhaps you feel that you’re wearing a mask right now, that you’re not quite being the real you, then find yourself a costume and be yourself.

And if you saw Pokémon when you were a kid and want to ruin everyone else’s childhood, then buy the sexy Pikachu costume. And may God have mercy on your soul.

 
 
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