There are good nightclubs: There are bad nightclubs... And then there are the clubs that are ever so questionable but somehow give you one of the funniest nights of your entire degree (or make you wish you stayed at home).
You know the type: Cheesy music, questionable decisions, a dance floor you probably wouldn’t want to see with the lights on...and yet you’re back again next week.
So, following on from our blog about the best nightclubs and most affordable nightlife, we thought it was only fair to look at the other end of the scale.
Before anyone gets offended, this is VERY tongue in cheek. We’re not saying these clubs are actually terrible. In reality, being a bit rubbish is half the reason students love them! So, here are our top 10.
10. Snobs – Birmingham
Starting with a true Birmingham institution: Snobs.
If you study in Birmingham, avoiding Snobs completely is actually quite an impressive achievement. It’s been part of the city’s nightlife for years and usually involves indie tunes, throwbacks and a dance floor full of people absolutely convinced they can sing.
Is it glamorous? Not particularly.
Will you end up there at some point anyway? Most probably.
9. Popworld – Birmingham
Staying on Broad Street, we have Popworld.
You already know what you’re getting here: 00’s bangers, cheesy pop and songs you would never willingly put on your Spotify but somehow know every single word to after midnight.
One minute you’re pretending you’re too cool for it, the next you’re screaming along to a song from 2008 with someone you met in the toilets five minutes ago.
There really is no middle ground.
8. History – Manchester
Manchester has some of the best nightlife, so the competition is pretty strong. Then there’s History. It’s the sort of place where you spend ages deciding what to wear, finally get everyone together and somehow still lose half your group to another club within about ten minutes of arriving. A night at History can certainly become...well, history. (Sorry, I had to.)
7. Rosie’s – Birmingham
Yes, Birmingham has made the list again.
Rosie’s has several different rooms, which sounds ideal until your entire friendship group wants to be in a different one. Then what started as a night out becomes a search-and-rescue mission... You’ll spend half the evening messaging “WHERE ARE YOU???” before eventually finding everyone just as the lights are about to come on. Beautiful.
6. Why Not – Edinburgh
Honestly, the name sets us up perfectly here. “Why Not?” Well...there’s a few reasons.
Sitting right in Edinburgh city centre, Why Not is the sort of night out that can go from classy pre-drinks to absolute chaos surprisingly quickly. Still, university is all about trying new things, so when somebody suggests Why Not at 11pm, the answer will probably be exactly that.
5. Club International – Falmouth
Club International has the great energy of somewhere that your older cousin could have visited years ago and would probably tell you it looked exactly the same. But that is also part of the “charm”.
Falmouth isn’t exactly full of giant superclubs, so CI has become one of those places students simply have to experience. And so, you might complain about it all night, but give it a few weeks and somehow you’ll be back.
4. Infernos – Clapham
Infernos is difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it. It’s Clapham.
It’s cheesy. It’s chaotic. And yes, there is a carpeted dance floor. A CARPETED dance floor. That alone deserves recognition.
Expect huge singalongs, throwback tunes and the sudden realisation that you have spent London prices to dance to songs you normally hear at a family wedding.
3. Jesters – Southampton
Jesters is not simply a nightclub. For Southampton students, it feels more like a university tradition. It has the sort of reputation that makes first years curious and graduates strangely emotional whenever somebody mentions it years later.
You go in telling yourself you’re only staying for one drink because the club itself is so ‘lame’. But, a few hours later, your phone is on 4%, nobody knows where your jacket is and somebody has started suggesting an afters...
...Classic Jesters.
2. Acapulco – Halifax
The Acapulco, also known as “The Acca”, has been around since 1961, which is genuinely impressive and honestly, you can kind of feel the history.
This is old-school British nightclub chaos in its purest form. The club currently offers 75p drinks before 11pm, which sounds less like a drinks deal and more like something discovered in a time capsule.
For students on a budget, though? Suddenly we understand the appeal. You may leave with plenty of questions, but at least your bank account won’t have too many.
1. The Blue Angel – Liverpool
And our winner, even though “winner” feels like a slightly generous word, is The Blue Angel. Liverpool students will probably know it better as ‘The Raz’.
It’s one of those clubs that seems to survive purely because generations of students collectively agree that everyone else needs to experience what they experienced.
Is it polished? No.
Is it fancy? Definitely not.
Could you go there, have an absolutely ridiculous night and spend the next morning saying “never again”? Yes.
Will “never again” last until approximately next Monday? Probably not.
And that is exactly why The Raz takes the crown.
Are they actually that bad?
Probably not... but that’s the whole point. Nobody remembers the perfectly sensible evening where everyone had two drinks and got an Uber home at midnight. You remember the ridiculous ones.
If this list has made you lose all faith in UK nightlife, don’t worry, we still have plenty of good nightclubs.
Just remember, you don’t always need fancy cocktails, VIP booths or a world-famous DJ. Sometimes you just need your mates, some painfully cheesy music and a nightclub you all agree is awful while having the time of your lives.
Now THAT is the student experience.
