Every student stereotype you’ll find on campus
1. The try hard edgy one
How to spot them: Dressed head to toe in ‘vintage’ clothing that’s actually just from the vintage section of Urban Outfitters, the try hard edgy student spent their gap year building huts for disadvantaged children in a third world country, because they’re just so humanitarian. Ask them to join the picket line on your local high street though, and it’s sure to be a no.
2. The actually edgy one
How to spot them: Basically this student just gives no fucks whatsoever. They do what they please, when they please.
3. The workaholic
How to spot them: Slumped over a desk in the library clutching red bull and coffee. Their go to response to “How are you” is to moan about how much work they’ve got, how they haven’t slept, haven’t eaten because THEY’RE WORKING SO MUCH.
4. The future MP
Wears a blazer at all times and posts long ranty Facebook posts about the state of politics. Can be found manning a debate on the next global crisis or running for President of the Students’ Union, complete with a catchy but cheesy campaign slogan. You’ll vote for them because you know it’s inevitable and can’t face ruining their dreams. Besides, if they become rich and powerful one day it serves to have them on side, right?
5. The society whore
Signed up to a million societies in Freshers Week like the rest of us, but unlike the rest of us, actually stuck with them. Now they have a different society hoodie for every day of the week and a ridiculous amount of friends.
6. The failed Olympian
Was in the county team for judo and never lets you forget it. Permanently in gym gear, plays about a zillion sports and routinely hits you in the face with their lacrosse stick in the queue outside lectures.
7. The basic one
Boy or girl, you’ll know a basic bitch when you see one. Clutching a soy chai latte and a vegan sandwich (without the bread though, obv) they act more like they’re in an episode of Gossip Girl than at a mediocre university in the north of England.
8. The one who literally doesn’t even go here
Yes, supposedly they do the same modules as you, and have done for the last three years. Yet, in all that time you’ve never once set eyes on them. Do they even go here?
9. The one who does weed
Hint: follow the smell and you’ll find them, slumped in the back of your lecture. Every so often they’ll say something totally profound and probably drug induced.
10. The rich one
They didn’t need to take out a student loan, because the bank of Mummy and Daddy paid for it all. Try to pretend like they didn’t go to the poshest boarding school, but then you spot them in the supermarket buying champagne and it all makes sense.
11. The alcoholic
Go out on a night out with this student and you can guarantee you won’t be making your 9am the next day- but you’ll probably stagger to the local hospital.
12. The academic one
AKA: The one who shows everyone else up by actually doing their degree.