12 reasons I’m glad I didn’t go to Oxbridge

So three years ago, I was rejected from Oxford. There is no way of glossing it over, I was rejected. My two older sisters and numerous other family members attended Oxbridge, and I was left feeling like the inept runt of the litter. I actually went on to achieve 3 A*s at A Level, and despite my uncertainties, I accepted my place at Leeds University. It’s safe to say that I wouldn’t change that for the world. A month after starting university, there is no way that I would have been ready to write this article. Still, to this day, there is a part of me that imagines myself donning a fancy matriculation gown like my family members. With the benefit of hindsight, however, I can now say there are many reasons to be glad not to have not gained a place. Trigger warning: this article contains strong and hyperbolic language about Oxbridge and its students.

1) The degrading application process

Having to submit your personal statement months before other students, sitting extra exams, submitting essays and trekking across the country to attend an interview is just the start of your application process to Oxbridge. The pressure of having to attend up to four interviews across a range of colleges by poncey experts in their fields is completely soul destroying for the average person. If you weren’t lucky enough to have expensive coaching and interview prep which drill in self-worth and self-confidence, you’re unlikely to breeze your interview. These few days will give you a terrifying insight into the sort of toffs you’ll have to spend three years with: Boris Johnson’s son was at my interview.

2) The workload

via GIPHY Statistics may show that Oxbridge grads earn £400,000 more over a lifetime than students from non-Russell Group universities, but statistics will never reveal who has had happier and more interesting lives. The immense load of reading and constant assessment completely dampens the notion of a “uni experience." And because only final year counts, all that work throughout the year feels even more demoralizing. Likewise, they barely change the curriculum for the courses which means for “contemporary literature" you’ll be reading Charles Dickens and the most modern political theorist you’re likely to come across is Aristotle. Forget relying on a mix of assessment styles as well, you’ll never come across blog posts, presentations or group work.

3) No one likes feeling dumb

Be prepared for the inevitable existential crisis that accompanies your shift from being the clever kid at sixth-form to the average Joe of your Oxbridge year group. If you thought you were top dog for playing five instruments and speaking three languages at school, you’re about to meet your match.

4) The claustrophobic college system

via GIPHY You are quite literally locked into a Medieval cloister by a Harry Potter-esque porter with an immense amount of keys. It’s so ridiculous that you have to inform the porter when your friends are visiting and have to obey to ludicrously early college curfews. Whilst the colleges may be the prettiest and well-kept grounds you’ve ever set your eyes on, it couldn’t be more of a bubble. And although the tight-knit college system can help students make friends, it’s a double-edged sword because rumours of who is sleeping with who get around as quickly as they can recite p.

5) The Nightlife

As you can tell, my sisters weren’t impressed:

If you’re spending more time in the library than you are hungover, you’re doing something wrong. Ignore what your grandparents told you, uni is about more than academia. At Oxbridge, however, this is next to impossible given that you can count the number of clubs on one hand. Across the country students are hitting up House and Grime nights with an excessive amount of illegal substances and glitter. Not at Oxbridge: think punting with a bottle of bubbly or a classic port and cheese party. The little fun they do have, however, comes at a price. The expensive black-tie balls can set you back £350 for a night.

6) They can’t appreciate uni rivalries

via GIPHY Yes, there might be a ‘rivalry’ between Oxford and Cambridge, but what kind of rivalry is that? That’s like a competition between a Sunday dinner and a Full English: both equally as banging. It just doesn’t quite match the tension between universities like York and Sheffield or Manchester and Leeds.

7) The location is dull

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via GIPHY Don’t get me wrong, both cities are absolutely stunning. But they’re so idyllic and serene that it’s actually frustrating. Where is the graffiti, the cheap takeaways and the rat infested student areas?

8) Absurd traditions

via GIPHY If exams aren’t enough of a stressful affair, at Oxbridge you have to wear an owl costume called a ‘subfusc.’ Even the word is pretentious. At Oxford you have to wear a carnation during your exams: white for your first exam, red for your last and pink for all exams in between. I’ve also had to sit through numerous diabolical Oxbridge graduation ceremonies which take place in Latin. No family member should have to go through with that.

9) Tourists

via GIPHY Understandably, Oxford and Cambridge are outrageously touristy places. As a cherished Oxbridge student, you’re likely to be hounded by tourists wanting photos of themselves outside your college or even peering over you in the library. You get none of that in Liverpool and Birmingham I’m telling you.

10) The Students’ Union

My sister also had a lot to comment on this matter:

Unlike universities such as Leeds and Sheffield which are known for their lively unions which form the heart of the campus, Oxford and Cambridge don’t have ‘Union’ buildings as such. In their Union’s you’ll find debates and concerts taking place rather than the beloved tacky cafes and cheesy nightclubs. To make matters worse, you have to PAY to join the unions – £255 at Oxford!

11) The people

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Although it’s important to clarify that not everyone at Oxbridge is called Hugo, wears red trousers and attended Eton, it’s sad to say that they do make up a considerable number of the student body. Even if they didn’t attend a reputable London private-school, the state-schoolers at Oxbridge mostly attended fancy Northern grammars. And although it’s appealing to befriend those who “summer" in the South of France and have ski chalets across the world, it’s a lot more refreshing to meet people from all different walks of life.

12) The stereotype it comes with

Just as this article has done, your Oxbridge degree comes with a whole weight of stereotypes. Whether they’re accurate or not, Oxbridge students have to cope with the crisis of either living up to the label, or defending their proud Northern state-school roots. Even if you try and detach yourself from the Oxbridge lifestyle, it’s too late. You’ve already adopted outlandish Oxbridge customs and vocab: So there you have it… Just as people have to burn photographs of loved ones in order to finally let go, I feel like this article was the definitive step in getting over the fact that I didn’t get into Oxbridge. Three years down the line, I can happily write that I am glad I didn’t make the cut.

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